I got to Jacob's classroom and most of the kids were at recess. Their class is doing 'Secret Friends' this week. I have mixed opinions/feelings about this week that happens at this school every year. Yesterday was one of the reasons I happen to like this tradition (sort of...earlier in the day - I wanted them to banish it).
When I first approached the classroom, there were a couple of girls just outside the door. When I mentioned recess they told me they were 'secret friends monitors'. (There to make sure that those going in or out of the room were 'safe' as they made or left something for a secret friend.) I walked in and found a couple of Jacob's friends with a white t-shirt spread across the table. (You have to know this is a big ticket item for this class this year and also part of the reason I had a bad attitude earlier in the day - Jacob and I had some hurt feelings about his secret friend not receiving one yet. Some of the teachers provide materials for variety or in case a child forgot to bring something that day - they are to give something each day for a full week. This time, Jacob's teacher had a bunch of white t-shirts available and 'everyone' was having one made.)
So...back to the story. Jacob's friends found out that his secret friend had not planned on making one for him - so, they asked their classmate if it was OK if they made one for Jacob. The giver was apparently fine with that. So, these guys stayed in during recess in order to make something for a friend that they thought he would like. It wasn't until later that I wondered how many 4th grade boys would notice that their friend might feel left out, decide to do something about it, check with someone else (they didn't want to overstep the boundaries), and stay in during recess so they could make something for their friend. I just 'happened' to walk in while they were starting. They asked me what Jacob liked and told me the story of how they wanted him to have one too. I think they would have easily come up with something to put on it because they know him well enough. I listed a few things Jacob likes and they laughed at a couple of times because they realized it was kind of silly they hadn't thought of it themselves. Who knows...maybe one of them is Jacob's secret friend and they didn't want me to know. (Maybe they thought I would tell their secret? Whatever! As if I would actually tell my child who their secret friend is...)
Jacob loved the shirt and thinks it's from his secret friend (along with an item that did actually come from his secret friend). He now thinks one of the possibilities for the giver is one of the friends that drew on the shirt because he recognized his drawing. I guess they draw stuff together quite a bit. (Actually, I don't guess - I've seen the drawings when I've been trying to help them be on task with the real assignment.)
Rather one of these guys is the secret friend or not - I was still moved they would stay in at recess and be excited about doing that for a friend. I was glad my first impression was that they were just making sure Jacob got a shirt. I was glad they thought about their friend and wanted to do something for him. It made me think about the school and how I'm glad they work with the whole child. In lots of ways, it's much more work. In so many ways - it's worth so much more.
So...even though not all of my experiences with 4th grade boys were positive yesterday - I walked out of the school feeling really good about them - and very glad that Jacob has friends at school that do things like think of how their friends might feel and do something to help that friend be happy. This is typically an age where classmates might tease or bully. I'm glad we've found a place for our children where that's rare and taken care of immediately. There are things about Jacob that the rest of the world would find a way to make fun of - I'm especially glad for him that he is where he is (and glad they now have up through 8th grade). I'm not sure what we're going to do when he gets to step out into the 'real' world. He's made so much progress in the last couple of years that I'm hoping he's ready by then.
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