Fast Forward A Couple of Years

I've been thinking about starting another blog with a couple of different topics so everything is all together. Yet, I'm not sure I want some of the details about the kids to be part of that. So, for now, I'll do a bit of updating here.
Obviously, much has happened since I last wrote. The two biggest things would be that we are in our second year of homeschooling and that Layne has Stage IV cancer. Both details have put a different twist on our lives.
We still live in the same place and are doing some of the same things. We still get to associate with some fabulous people around here and occasionally get to see a family member or two whenever they happen to be traveling through the area.

To Be or Not To Be

I just found this draft...originally written 5/27/12

This seems to be our phrase these days. It's been a challenge to not know if a loved one has cancer or not. We were told weeks ago that Layne has colon cancer and that he needed to have a procedure as soon as possible. That has since been corrected. 'They' don't know if he has cancer or not. There is a mass that has pre-cancer cells, but there's not enough evidence either way to know if there are cells that have developed to the cancer stage. We won't know until his surgery at the end of this week. We have gone for weeks now...thinking he has cancer and then not knowing if he does or not. The not knowing is hard. And yet, knowing doesn't seem like such a wonderful option either, unless we know it is not cancer.

The hard part about not knowing is not being sure of what to think or how to plan. For the most part, I try not to think about it; to keep busy with other things. Although, I haven't found a way to move quickly past the 'what if' thoughts that pop into my head occasionally. A couple of my first thoughts were about how I would miss him and how would I support our family and raise 4 kids by myself. I have also had times when I have noticed and appreciated the little things about Layne and having a companion that I love.

Layne is more anxious than usual. It's hard for him to not know and especially to deal with the unknown of how it will be to have part of him taken out and how his body will heal and function once that happens. He is one to worry. So, it's been a bit rough. He has done his best to joke about things occasionally.